Frozen in time
Waiting for life to start
Plain to see
Life took you unawares
You thought giant strides had been made
Cos you gave a 100%
After all the years gone by
Destiny still feels undecided
Somewhere deep down you know
Your life as you often dreamed it
Never really did start
Young dreams
Frozen in time
Fantasy never realised
But no regrets, you say
You’ll just keep living
Giving it all You’ve got
These dreams may yet unfreeze
Until then
No regrets to mourn

I have seen a few
Some leave much to be desired
Though that’s not easy to spot
When you are just looking on the surface
I once knew a woman
Who alienated everyone
By her hostile attitude
Designed to protect her marriage
From those who felt she was unfit
She lived for the love of her husband
Nothing meant much to her
Unless it served to make him love her more
But he never really did as far I could see
Even her children were not spared
Her love for them if you could call it that
Was sacrificed on the altar of her relationship
I know what you are thinking
There are many types of relationships
It’s not always just about love
I wholly agree with you
As long as each one is honest about their main motives

I think he did care about her
He cared about her hardwork
The money and prestige she coveted for him
The cushioning against making his own decisions
He hid behind the hostility she created
Protected from the world
He probably hated it in the end
And finally on her death bed
A look at his face and if you knew him well enough
It was clear to see the hardened relief
Wrapped up in a veil of pretence
And I realised then
It was never really about love for him
Unfortunately that’s what it was for her
Until her dying day
She gave it all she had

Some Relationships
They are so engrossing
They demand one’s sweat and blood
And when they’ve given their all
It is still never enough
Perhaps you roughshod over your own judgement
You drain yourself physically and emotionally
Year in and year out
For a pittance described as love
Self esteem eroded
In bid to satisfy another
Who clearly needs what you are not made to give
Till all that’s left of you is ‘em’ ?
A confused version of the’me’you are
Because you have no idea who ‘me’ is anymore
It happens to both men and women
They choose a route not theirs
They sacrificed their ‘self’ on the alter of a relationship
Forgetting that it takes two ‘selfs’ not one
To form a new merged identity
But when one ‘self’ gets eroded
It’s like it never ever existed
Life becomes all about the other
Their triumphs, mistakes and needs
And a confusion about how it got that way
Cos you my friend got lost
Long before the deal got done

Then there are those ones
Best described as the ‘lucky’ ones
It is not luck at all
But good judgement and choice
Through all the ups and downs of life
Two souls harnessed together but utterly free
Yielded to each other but still allowed to be
It’s not even a measure of their equality
But rather of their ‘fit’
A unique understanding of the other’s ‘socialness’
Upbringings and orientations marched
Or at the very least well understood and accepted
They ‘get’ each other well
Sometimes ‘I get you’ means more than ‘I love you’.
They are not out to forcefully ‘mould’ each other
None is socially vulnerable with the other
No need to stamp one’s authority or a way of life
Which is ‘foreign’ to the other’s basic psyche
Ensuing in a lifelong battle
To make meaning out of something that just won’t fit.
The ‘lucky ones’ long understood
The status quo before there ever was a joining
They might not be the perfect couple
But their ‘fit’ is so unfeigned

Love does not conquer all
Even if that’s what you’ve been taught
Love is remarkable
Love does endure all
Even to the point of death
Relationships don’t have to be hell on earth
Just to prove love’s elasticity
When it comes to relationships
Understanding and ‘fit’ does conquer all
Don’t take endurance as a symbol of progress
Don’t abuse love, however you choose to define it
While many choose to sacrifice ‘self’ for love
They find that the love they are experiencing
Is often more ‘selfish’ than ‘selfless’
Even when its ‘selfless’
Their true self got lost along the way
And often all that remains is ‘less’
Much less than ‘nothingness’
Which most make do with
Until ‘death does do them part’

Dear friend who is making a choice
Please choose well
Use your head as much as your heart
Know yourself, your social psyche
What you can and cannot take
Be prepared to give and receive
Don’t loose yourself before the journey starts
It’s a lifelong one with many twists and turns
Seek the help of him who knows you best
Your maker, the one who knows the future.
Listen to your parents and those who know you well
Don’t try to be a hero
Rescue yourSelf first
Love is what you make it
It does not need to be dramatic
You are important and so is your future
Get your head out of the skies
Choose the one you can do life with
Growing old together
As a perfect fit.

Sadness wears me like a cloak

It is my familiar enemy

We were introduced when I arrived

On earth’s cold plane one lonely night

It has never let go of me since.

I see others happy all around

I am confused. What makes them so giddy?

I have much more than they do

And yet sadness still wears me like a cloak

I did not not choose it

I rejected it long ago

But whenever I try to move away

The stories of my life gives it new ground

A hold with which to claim me back

Sad little occurrences always set me back

Sadness uses every excuse to dump on me

To reel me back till I am taken over

By the darkness of my past experiences

Sadness know just what to do

To take me back to memories gone

The baby born on to a bare floor

Rejected by its father

Left with a lonely mother

Sadness made its first deposit that day

Family divided, standing alone,

Invisible child among the crowd

Accused, unloved, ostracised by those I call family

Sadness paid in another lump sum

No friends, no zest, no one to jive with

The odd one out

Can’t you tell by the ‘hand me downs’?

Can’t fit in and can’t say why

Sadness said I will be your friend

Thinking deep, covering my bases

Knowing vulnerability at a tender age

Licking my wounds, refusing to crumble

But sadness was always never far away

I learnt to survive not by being happy

But by letting sadness be my guide

Don’t tell me I have to show some happiness

I don’t know how, I am always looking out for sadness

Every good thing in my life

Has come tinged with sadness

I cannot oust it, it’s grown with me

Even when I am happy, I am sad

I try to shake it off but it’s worse than you know

What can I say, it’s not my cloak

I am the cloak that sadness wears

One little thing and I am all his again

Sadness knows me well, much too well

Forget happiness, its gone before it arrives

Don’t think I do not know happiness

I simply can’t hold it close

When Sadness still wears me like a cloak

I keep waiting for the light

Sometimes I simply fail

To appreciate the trail

I have travelled so far

Ardently pursuing the bar

From as young as I can remember

I was told to do my very best

Be good to your brother

Respect your parents

Do all your homework

Get the Chores done

Be quiet, don’t talk back

Be a lady, be courteous

Smile, don’t frown

Don’t be lazy

Be a good woman

Be a good wife

You can do better than that

The children need you

Be responsible

Take care of the house

Go to work

Get home early

What’s for dinner?

Do the laundry

Bedtime stories

Cuddles, hugs and kisses

Call the parents

Visit the parents

Rescue the homeless

Comfort the sorrowful

Give some wise words

The list never ends

I bet you have some more for me

Much more to add to these

But today, as I reflect

I give myself a pat

A big pat on the back

And say softly to myself

Girl, just look down the trail

This trail you have travelled

You have not only been good

You have done your best

In spite of all the tests

Dont wait for more lists

To check what else needs doing

These lists never end

Especially the ones you didn’t write

There are others in other spheres

Ready and willing

To tell you what is expected of you

Mostly what they dare not expect of themselves

Today I take a break

I survey the landscape of the past

And I say I have done my best

I do not say this lightly

I am my own worst taskmaster

But I am pleased with me

So today I crave your indulgence

Take a minute

To read my list

The one I have for you

It is just as long, as the one you have for me

And never ending too

But I won’t insist

On burdening you even further

You have done your best already

So take a break with me

Away from the unending expectations

Which we spend our days fulfilling

Constantly checking for the next

The next expectation on the list

Today, lets seek exemption

From people’s expectations

I can guarantee

That we will not get it

But lets take a break anyway.

Red boiling molten liquid

Searing the soft inner walls of one’s being

Billowing and raging

Like a storm in a teacup

Sooner than later

It will spew out

In ways that are most uncontrollable

Demeaning to one’s dignified self

When it boils over, no longer held in.

The beginnings of anger can be mistaken

Slight discomfort easily forgotten

Piled upon by many more of the same

Until the slow simmering reaches boiling point

No one can stop it’s race towards release

It goes faster and faster till one explodes

Or worse, one implode within

Destroying the very fabric of the soul

Take hold of it before it does you

Direct its path to a place of release

Express yourself while you still can

In a way that leaves you intact

Let anger out, let it escape

The four walls of your precious soul

If not you only do yourself much harm

Because it will eat away the good in you

Don’t hold it in, express yourself

Be in control and not controlled

By this king of emotions

Known to have brought down Kings

Don’t let yourself be victimised

By dangerous clamorous Anger

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No one likes queues that seem to be going no way. We get all worked up if we find ourselves in one.
What is hard to immediately remember is that, our position in the queue is still ahead of the one who has not started their journey yet.
It is better to be in the slow lane in life than to be in no lane at all. We are always learning and growing because life is designed to be progressive but only if we apply ourselves and confront challenges and refuse to hide away or bury our heads in the sand like an Ostrich.
Life goes on whether you are aware of it or not, whether you engage with it or not. It is easy to focus on the many others that are ahead of you, to focus on how little time you have left, to focus on your limitations and the obstacles in your way. But remember, although it is overcrowded at the bottom of the road, there is still movement happening and sooner than later, if you persist, you will find yourself on a freeway, with less competition, with more choice of how fast you want to go. It’s better at the top. Join the traffic, keep inching forward, persist, get to the top! That is where you are destined to be

I am what I choose to be
Whatever I will be that I am
Already existing
Yet to be manifested
It’s within my inner self
Waiting to be expressed
In a way you can see

‘Free’ – That is my favourite word
Means I am undefinable
I am free to be
I do not have to conform
Free from the mundane
From the reigning status quo

Free to love tea
And not coffee or latte
Free to walk with my shoe laces undone
Free to rock my unfashionable hairstyle
Free to write as my hands see fit

Free to be alone
If I so choose
Free to go unnoticed
And still be true to me
Free to be as loud or as quiet as I like
Just to be exactly what I am
With no apologies and no regrets
No need to impress anyone but myself

This is how I know I am truly free
I choose to see you for who you are
Its my choice to try the things I know you like
With no compulsion to become who you are
I can taste your latte and cappuccino
I can speak ‘posh’ if I so choose
Don’t let it fool you
It does not change me, no not really

I only do so to express
My sense of community
My sameness as you
To let you know
Its alright for you to be you
Unencumbered by life
Flying wild yet firmly grounded

I am the past, the present and the future
An antiquated yet current expression
It’s the power at work inside of me
It greater than what you can see
It created my format, I cannot deviate
It set me free, to experience all there is to me
There are many tomorrows
All embedded in the me you see today

My Genius is faintly disguised
In the ordinariness of me
The me expressed today
But still hidden from full view
Is the theme that runs though it all
It shows that I am uniquely me
Nothing can ever change that
When tomorrow arrives
I will still be me
That thought sets me free
Free to be whatever I will be

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Trouble does not last forever. Your skies will not always be grey.
You can’t always tell the future by what you see today. Today’s circumstances may not be good indicators of the possibilities of the future.
Don’t let fear destroy your destiny. Don’t be afraid to fail so much that you get stuck in today’s circumstances. Venture out. Don’t be afraid of the loud threats, the thundering announcements of more dread ahead, the shocking unexpected flashes of lightening that destabilises your peace. Above all, don’t give up hope.
Don’t give up trying again. There are better days ahead, if you don’t quit on life, if you refuse to believe that change will never come. Soon the thundering quietens down.
Look up, there will soon be a rainbow in your sky. Wait for your rainbow sky. Keep looking up. Keep moving forward. Change is coming.

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There are declarations of love, words spoken, words whispered, words in a promise, words in a beautiful card, whether from a man to a woman, a woman to a man, a parent to a child, words between friends that sound so perfect, so thrilling, so emotionally satisfying because they centre around love and how valuable and precious the people in a relationship are to one another.

When it comes to practically backing up those beautiful words, many are found wanting. It is amazing how the greatest portrayals of love cannot be fully captured in words, or on any card.

They are seen through actions taken on behalf of others. They are seen by what we physically do for others, especially others more disadvantaged or more vulnerable than we are. Others who may never be able to pay us back. Greater love than this has no one, that a man, a woman, a boy, a girl will lay down their life for another.

Kindness shown through sacrifice often undeserved – that is the true measure of love, not just words, not even words spoken so passionately and powerfully.

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Hope is the invisible fertile soil which makes the seeds of long held dreams grow no matter the drought and famine conditions that exist. Without hope, the most luscious green fields cannot keep a budding tree alive. It will shrivel and die from the inside out. Life is like a tree. Hope for its future keeps it going. Hope makes the soul tenacious, enduring the impossible and staying alive and growing nevertheless. Hope will make a tree grow out of a rock. Anything is possible if we learn to hold on and not give up. Miracles happen. Somehow we do come through if we learn to keep hope alive.