ENOUGH SAID!!! - Articles by Selasie Bulmuo

It’s My Body. I Can Do What I Want!!!


Have you ever been to a shop where the prices of items being sold are way more than you can afford? But you still linger and look around. It’s called window shopping; the dangerous kind because before you know it you have bought what you can’t afford to pay for. You end up using your credit card which amounts to paying for your present with your future. A very silly thing to do.

Let’s examine the phenomenon of window shopping. I am sure ladies will understand this better than the men, ….. Well some of the men. Ladies generally like to shop, …. mainly for shoes, bags and clothes and accessories. Almost every single one of us have at least once subjected ourselves to the disillusion of buying something we couldn’t afford or didn’t really need just because we liked the look of it or we had previously seen it advertised, heard it was on sale (price reduced) etc.

The thing is, when you go shopping, you are advised that it is best to have a shopping list so you buy only what you have budgeted for. In the absence of a shopping list and a huge sense of financial responsibility, you will give in to the need for retail therapy and try to satisfy an emotional need by buying what you cannot afford.

The way it happens is you tell yourself I will just have a look in that shop so I can see what they have there for future planning purposes. This may not have been the plan for the day but you do it anyway, because the window display is so alluring and the brand is a popular brand and everyone who is someone, has something from that brand. There are even window shoppers who intentionally plan to go window shopping. They do not have the money to spend but set a whole day aside to just go and look around the shops. I cannot understand why anyone will intentionally plan to make themselves miserable like that. Why plan a whole day of looking at stuff you can’t afford when you know better and updated models of the same thing will still be there come the day you are able to afford it?

The conclusion of the matter is inevitable. You will feel so miserable, you will compensate by buying something you are not ready for. This applies to our whole lives, particularly when it comes to the issue of the things we do with our bodies, be it overeating, overindulgence, all the ‘overs’ which are negative and amount to abuse or misuse of what God has kindly given to us for a purpose.

There is one area that causes a lot of controversy. It is the issue of sex. Are we free to make the decision particularly while we are unmarried about when to have sex, who to have sex with and where to do so? Unlike the ‘overs’, sex is a neutral thing. What we do with it, how, when and with who will either make it positive or negative. Some people say that it is the same as needing to eat and is a need that must be satisfied. But you will agree with me that whereas we have eaten since we were born, we cannot say the same about sex. On a human level it is therefore a controllable urge or at the very least should be. Otherwise we are no better than the animals.

The bible is very clear about what God thinks on the issue. Sex is to be confined to the intimacy of marriage and for good reason too. Because there are responsibilities resulting from having sex and it is in the security of marriage where the couple are not only accountable to each other but to God as well that such responsibilities are best taken care off. The issues that result from sex are very important to God because there is nothing that involves the sharing of the very core of yourself with another as much as sex does. Even more serious is that someone else is sharing themselves with you and even if you don’t care about yourself, this other person has value at least to God and your treating their body as a plaything amounts to abuse.

One such responsibility that can come from having sex is falling pregnant. The statistics on abortions – unwanted pregnancies and abandoned babies is staggering. These are souls with a purpose that God is dispatching to the earth and their lives are terminated before they have even had a chance to live.

Little children mean the world to God. Both born and unborn. The bible says that; ‘But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven. Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish. (Matthew 18:6, 10, 14 KJV).

Sex outside a secure God fearing marriage exposes these little ones both born and unborn to danger, to abuse and horrible upbringings. If you live abroad just have a look at the number of children within the care system and the trauma that some of them have been through in their young lives and you will understand that this is no playing matter.

Apart from unwanted children, there is the issue of Venereal Diseases. If you were to contract aids from sleeping around, you will be the same person crying to God day and night to heal you.

You are so valuable to God that he does not want you to be bought by someone who cannot pay the price for you simply because they are window shopping and like the look of what they see and feel the urge to make themselves feel better. Why should you be a victim of this? You will be misused as the person hasn’t got the capacity to maintain what they cannot afford. You will be used and discarded. Your value tainted. Your self esteem punctured.

Sex is not a cure for loneliness. It will make it worse at the end of the day.

‘A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished’. (Proverbs 22:3 KJV). There are those who argue that they know what they are doing and are not being used. If anything they are the ones doing the using. Well… I can tell you from the number of couples that share issues with me in counselling that, problems following marriage particularly the issue of mistrust and infidelity all stem from pre – marital sex between the couple. If they did it with each other before marriage, what is to stop one of them from doing it with someone else outside the marriage? If they could not control their urge with you, what is the proof that they can control it with someone else they are attracted to outside the marriage. I promise you, that there will be someone else more attractive than you.

It takes a decision and an irrevocable choice on the behalf of couples not to stray outside their marriage and to be faithful to each other. I have met women particularly who accuse their husbands of cheating and the men swear by everything you can see that they haven’t but this does not resolve the issue for the women. Why? Because trust was broken before the marriage begun.

And for all who want to ‘try before they buy’, why would anyone want to buy something they can try on several times as much as they want for free? They are most likely to try it and decide to buy one they haven’t tried instead. The same ‘users’ will be willing to pay the price for what they haven’t tried.

A lot of young people find themselves in a relationship with someone they do not really want but stay on because they have had a child only to hear later that this person has legally married someone else. Some even introduce themselves as single, still clinging to the hope that one day they will get the chance to marry someone they really want. They wake up maybe ten years later and realise they are locked in a marriage or a relationship and have not been able to move on.

Some have the fear that they will not be sexually compatible with their spouse if they don’t try before they marry. Marriage entails far more than sex and you will have to be very naive to not know who you are attracted to and compatible with without having sex with them first. Pre – Marital and extra marital sex  just cloud your judgement and you may make silly life long decision based purely on a physical or emtional high not backed by solid, sound and godly reasoning and motivations. It is better to get to know a person for who they are first and ensure that they have the values and the ability to maintain your attention, interest and engagement before you have sex with them. Otherwise, you will soon find that you have lost interest in them and feel trapped in a relationship.

The most important issue however is that God expects you to abstain from sex before marriage. He calls it fornication when you don’t. He considers your body as his temple, his dwelling place, his sanctuary. You carry his Holy presence so whatever you do in your body you involve him without his consent.

It is only in marriage which he is the initiator of that  he brings two people together and makes them one. He blesses them and within the remit of this godly marriage, he actually encourages sexual relations exclusively between the man and his wife only. It is his gift to them as a married couple. It is a replica of his relationship with the church for which he gave his only begotten son. The bible therefore admonishes us as follows; ‘Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body’. (1 Corinthians 6:18 KJV). ‘Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband’. (1 Corinthians 7:2 KJV). ‘Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge’. (Hebrews 13:4 KJV).

‘For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication’. (1 Thessalonians 4:3 KJV). Many have fallen into fornication due to the lack of the knowledge I am sharing now. Your days of ignorance are over. Set things aright now before it is too late. Let your intrinsic value and your face value match. Wait for your appointed time and it shall be wonderful.

Enough said!!!!!


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