Some Relationships

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I have seen a few
Some leave much to be desired
Though that’s not easy to spot
When you are just looking on the surface
I once knew a woman
Who alienated everyone
By her hostile attitude
Designed to protect her marriage
From those who felt she was unfit
She lived for the love of her husband
Nothing meant much to her
Unless it served to make him love her more
But he never really did as far I could see
Even her children were not spared
Her love for them if you could call it that
Was sacrificed on the altar of her relationship
I know what you are thinking
There are many types of relationships
It’s not always just about love
I wholly agree with you
As long as each one is honest about their main motives

I think he did care about her
He cared about her hardwork
The money and prestige she coveted for him
The cushioning against making his own decisions
He hid behind the hostility she created
Protected from the world
He probably hated it in the end
And finally on her death bed
A look at his face and if you knew him well enough
It was clear to see the hardened relief
Wrapped up in a veil of pretence
And I realised then
It was never really about love for him
Unfortunately that’s what it was for her
Until her dying day
She gave it all she had

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Some Relationships
They are so engrossing
They demand one’s sweat and blood
And when they’ve given their all
It is still never enough
Perhaps you roughshod over your own judgement
You drain yourself physically and emotionally
Year in and year out
For a pittance described as love
Self esteem eroded
In bid to satisfy another
Who clearly needs what you are not made to give
Till all that’s left of you is ’em’ ?
A confused version of the’me’you are
Because you have no idea who ‘me’ is anymore
It happens to both men and women
They choose a route not theirs
They sacrificed their ‘self’ on the alter of a relationship
Forgetting that it takes two ‘selfs’ not one
To form a new merged identity
But when one ‘self’ gets eroded
It’s like it never ever existed
Life becomes all about the other
Their triumphs, mistakes and needs
And a confusion about how it got that way
Cos you my friend got lost
Long before the deal got done

Then there are those ones
Best described as the ‘lucky’ ones
It is not luck at all
But good judgement and choice
Through all the ups and downs of life
Two souls harnessed together but utterly free
Yielded to each other but still allowed to be
It’s not even a measure of their equality
But rather of their ‘fit’
A unique understanding of the other’s ‘socialness’
Upbringings and orientations marched
Or at the very least well understood and accepted
They ‘get’ each other well
Sometimes ‘I get you’ means more than ‘I love you’.
They are not out to forcefully ‘mould’ each other
None is socially vulnerable with the other
No need to stamp one’s authority or a way of life
Which is ‘foreign’ to the other’s basic psyche
Ensuing in a lifelong battle
To make meaning out of something that just won’t fit.
The ‘lucky ones’ long understood
The status quo before there ever was a joining
They might not be the perfect couple
But their ‘fit’ is so unfeigned

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Love does not conquer all
Even if that’s what you’ve been taught
Love is remarkable
Love does endure all
Even to the point of death
Relationships don’t have to be hell on earth
Just to prove love’s elasticity
When it comes to relationships
Understanding and ‘fit’ does conquer all
Don’t take endurance as a symbol of progress
Don’t abuse love, however you choose to define it
While many choose to sacrifice ‘self’ for love
They find that the love they are experiencing
Is often more ‘selfish’ than ‘selfless’
Even when its ‘selfless’
Their true self got lost along the way
And often all that remains is ‘less’
Much less than ‘nothingness’
Which most make do with
Until ‘death does do them part’

Dear friend who is making a choice
Please choose well
Use your head as much as your heart
Know yourself, your social psyche
What you can and cannot take
Be prepared to give and receive
Don’t loose yourself before the journey starts
It’s a lifelong one with many twists and turns
Seek the help of him who knows you best
Your maker, the one who knows the future.
Listen to your parents and those who know you well
Don’t try to be a hero
Rescue yourSelf first
Love is what you make it
It does not need to be dramatic
You are important and so is your future
Get your head out of the skies
Choose the one you can do life with
Growing old together
As a perfect fit.

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