Under Siege (Imprisoned By Emotions)

I simply want to be happy

I simply want to be me

I admit I often get confused

Which kind of happy I mean

It depends on the mood I’m in

I am besieged by emotions

They just won’t let me be


Today I’m super happy

Yesterday I couldn’t care less

I was kind of morose last week

When I suddenly felt so alone

Misunderstood and unappreciated

It’s quite a shock to feel that

In the midst of kind and thoughtful people

Who sometimes get on my very last nerve

For reasons  I just can’t fathom


There was this day I remember so well

I received great great news,

News I thought will never come

All my emotions went haywire

I just didn’t know what to feel


One minute I wanted peace and quiet

The next minute I wanted to scream

So I made demands and shouted at everybody

They thought, ‘let’s give her some space’

That made me mad as hell

Its not space I want, not at all

Why can’t people read between the lines

How could they leave me now

When I need lots of hugs and cheers

A bit of fuss will do to make me feel important

After all, this is my big day

The day I have waited so long for


So after a few minutes of misery

I guilted them into coming back

It was obvious they couldn’t figure out

Which mood was in control of me now

They sat gingerly awaiting my cue

All of a sudden I came alive


I cooked a big big meal

‘It’s celebration time’, I announced

‘I finally made manager in my workplace

The first female to break the glass ceiling’

I have slaved and sweated for years,

Done things I couldnt begin to tell you

Now my dream has finally come true

I am now officially successful and it feels like a waste


Halfway through dinner I broke down in tears

Big huge sobs of despair

I was quite shocked myself

This should be one of the happiest days of my life

But I simply felt hollow inside

Nothing like I imagined I would feel

How can I celebrate

When I have to work longer hours now

Longer hours from my children and spouse

Who I have nearly lost along the way


What kind of wife and mum will I be

What does the future hold

What more would I have to sacrifice

Drained, Uncertain, Confused

Angry at the unfairness of it all

Resolutely determined to crack the code

To solve this mystery of emotional dilemmas

That has eluded womanhood for centuries


I simply want to be happy

I simply want to be me

I never seem to quite get there

Always besieged between the two

I really love taking care of my home

And I desperately love being boss at work

I feel guilty when I am there

And depressed when I am not.


I am under siege from my emotions

They mirror my tumultuous life

All I want is to be the woman I dreamt I could be

Just to be happy with the choices I make

All I want is to be free to choose

To be me and to be happy as me

Whatever that will be or entail

But I am a woman under siege

Who has lost the real definition

Of what it means to be me

The compass is distorted, the map is unclear

Which one is the route for my lifelong pursuit of Happiness.