I simply want to be happy
I simply want to be me
I admit I often get confused
Which kind of happy I mean
It depends on the mood I’m in
I am besieged by emotions
They just won’t let me be
Today I’m super happy
Yesterday I couldn’t care less
I was kind of morose last week
When I suddenly felt so alone
Misunderstood and unappreciated
It’s quite a shock to feel that
In the midst of kind and thoughtful people
Who sometimes get on my very last nerve
For reasons I just can’t fathom
There was this day I remember so well
I received great great news,
News I thought will never come
All my emotions went haywire
I just didn’t know what to feel
One minute I wanted peace and quiet
The next minute I wanted to scream
So I made demands and shouted at everybody
They thought, ‘let’s give her some space’
That made me mad as hell
Its not space I want, not at all
Why can’t people read between the lines
How could they leave me now
When I need lots of hugs and cheers
A bit of fuss will do to make me feel important
After all, this is my big day
The day I have waited so long for
So after a few minutes of misery
I guilted them into coming back
It was obvious they couldn’t figure out
Which mood was in control of me now
They sat gingerly awaiting my cue
All of a sudden I came alive
I cooked a big big meal
‘It’s celebration time’, I announced
‘I finally made manager in my workplace
The first female to break the glass ceiling’
I have slaved and sweated for years,
Done things I couldnt begin to tell you
Now my dream has finally come true
I am now officially successful and it feels like a waste
Halfway through dinner I broke down in tears
Big huge sobs of despair
I was quite shocked myself
This should be one of the happiest days of my life
But I simply felt hollow inside
Nothing like I imagined I would feel
How can I celebrate
When I have to work longer hours now
Longer hours from my children and spouse
Who I have nearly lost along the way
What kind of wife and mum will I be
What does the future hold
What more would I have to sacrifice
Drained, Uncertain, Confused
Angry at the unfairness of it all
Resolutely determined to crack the code
To solve this mystery of emotional dilemmas
That has eluded womanhood for centuries
I simply want to be happy
I simply want to be me
I never seem to quite get there
Always besieged between the two
I really love taking care of my home
And I desperately love being boss at work
I feel guilty when I am there
And depressed when I am not.
I am under siege from my emotions
They mirror my tumultuous life
All I want is to be the woman I dreamt I could be
Just to be happy with the choices I make
All I want is to be free to choose
To be me and to be happy as me
Whatever that will be or entail
But I am a woman under siege
Who has lost the real definition
Of what it means to be me
The compass is distorted, the map is unclear
Which one is the route for my lifelong pursuit of Happiness.
