POEMS

(Dreams) Frozen In Time

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Frozen in time
Waiting for life to start
Plain to see
Life took you unawares
You thought giant strides had been made
Cos you gave a 100%
After all the years gone by
Destiny still feels undecided
Somewhere deep down you know
Your life as you often dreamed it
Never really did start
Young dreams
Frozen in time
Fantasy never realised
But no regrets, you say
You’ll just keep living
Giving it all You’ve got
These dreams may yet unfreeze
Until then
No regrets to mourn

POEMS

Under Siege (Imprisoned By Emotions)

I simply want to be happy

I simply want to be me

I admit I often get confused

Which kind of happy I mean

It depends on the mood I’m in

I am besieged by emotions

They just won’t let me be

 

Today I’m super happy

Yesterday I couldn’t care less

I was kind of morose last week

When I suddenly felt so alone

Misunderstood and unappreciated

It’s quite a shock to feel that

In the midst of kind and thoughtful people

Who sometimes get on my very last nerve

For reasons  I just can’t fathom

 

There was this day I remember so well

I received great great news,

News I thought will never come

All my emotions went haywire

I just didn’t know what to feel

 

One minute I wanted peace and quiet

The next minute I wanted to scream

So I made demands and shouted at everybody

They thought, ‘let’s give her some space’

That made me mad as hell

Its not space I want, not at all

Why can’t people read between the lines

How could they leave me now

When I need lots of hugs and cheers

A bit of fuss will do to make me feel important

After all, this is my big day

The day I have waited so long for

 

So after a few minutes of misery

I guilted them into coming back

It was obvious they couldn’t figure out

Which mood was in control of me now

They sat gingerly awaiting my cue

All of a sudden I came alive

 

I cooked a big big meal

‘It’s celebration time’, I announced

‘I finally made manager in my workplace

The first female to break the glass ceiling’

I have slaved and sweated for years,

Done things I couldnt begin to tell you

Now my dream has finally come true

I am now officially successful and it feels like a waste

 

Halfway through dinner I broke down in tears

Big huge sobs of despair

I was quite shocked myself

This should be one of the happiest days of my life

But I simply felt hollow inside

Nothing like I imagined I would feel

How can I celebrate

When I have to work longer hours now

Longer hours from my children and spouse

Who I have nearly lost along the way

 

What kind of wife and mum will I be

What does the future hold

What more would I have to sacrifice

Drained, Uncertain, Confused

Angry at the unfairness of it all

Resolutely determined to crack the code

To solve this mystery of emotional dilemmas

That has eluded womanhood for centuries

 

I simply want to be happy

I simply want to be me

I never seem to quite get there

Always besieged between the two

I really love taking care of my home

And I desperately love being boss at work

I feel guilty when I am there

And depressed when I am not.

 

I am under siege from my emotions

They mirror my tumultuous life

All I want is to be the woman I dreamt I could be

Just to be happy with the choices I make

All I want is to be free to choose

To be me and to be happy as me

Whatever that will be or entail

But I am a woman under siege

Who has lost the real definition

Of what it means to be me

The compass is distorted, the map is unclear

Which one is the route for my lifelong pursuit of Happiness.